SFAWC: The Many Faces of Fae
A lot of people talk about Craft names and names that are associated with who you are within the Pagan/Witch/Wiccan community. Tonight, I was doing my new moon ritual when I became acutely aware of the different sides and personalities that I took when doing different magick/worship. When I act as a Priestess for the Goddess (Astarte), I am revered, graceful, I conduct myself with grace and manner. When I praise or do ritual with Herne I am a wild Pagan, almost faun like in my own way. Then, when I conduct actual witchcraft I take on a dark, powerful, and commanding persona. I realized that in one ritual alone that my personalities and emotions alone are vast and complex. Does this happen for anyone else?
This got me thinking about the different phases of my learning and practices. I have always been Pagan. Since the time I was born I was raised in a Pagan household. I was raised under the mantle of Herne specifically. I was taught reverence of his temple, his worship and word, I was taught the lessons of the trees and the forests. When I first began my interest into Witchcraft, I looked into Wicca (as with most beginners). My first book, admittedly, was Grimore of a Solitary Witch by Silver Ravenwolf. Even though she isn’t really held high in much of the Witch/Wiccan community I did learn a lot of valid things from this book. At this fluffy bunny stage in my life I went by the name of “Breathless Moon” which was my favourite line in a Loreena Mckennit song. I stayed as Breathless Moon for my entire studying period. It was a name that I connected with deeply (I still do), and it helped me to define a lot of what being a Witch was. I wrote three personal Books of Shadows under the name Breathless Moon while I was learning the ropes of a Goddess based religion. I always knew that the “Goddess” existed, but my grandmother is a devotee of Herne, so that is what I was taught. Wicca (or rather neoWicca) helped me to open a door and to explore a whole new world of spirituality and Witchcraft. As I grew and learned about spirituality, I began to disagree with a lot of the fundamentals of what Wicca taught. I still saw myself as a Witch, but not really Wiccan anymore. I was ready to start my path as a Priestess of the Goddess, and with help from the universe I started on my journey.
Once I discovered that I had a connection with the Goddess unlike the one I held with Herne, knew what I wanted to do. I was a healer, a teacher, a guide and to tie it all together I wanted to be a Priestess. I began to understand and explore “The Light” and its relation to how we were all connected and my spiritual consciousness began to rise. It was time for a new life. I packed all my Wicca books away, and chose a new name. I knew that my family was Elvish in origin. It was really very clear in all of our Elf like qualities, so my new name had to be something Elven. I was given the name “Faewynn”. Which in Elvish means “Spirit maiden”, which was acceptable for my new spiritual path. I still wanted to incorporate the moon in it, so I came up with Lunaise (from the root word Lunar). Around this same time, I was blossoming into a vast amount of spiritual gifts, my life was very overwhelmed. I was 16, and I dropped out of school. I knew that to emerge a priestess, I had to separate myself from the normal world and build my world up spiritually. For two years, I stayed a hermit. With rarely any contact with the outside world, accept for a wonderful woman named Linda who became my mentor. She helped me to understand the lessons that I was being given. It is in this time that I built up my connection with the Goddess Astarte and the Light.
Finally after the two hardest years of my life, one day I went deep into the woods near my house and meditated for a while. This was a hugely spiritual moment for me. In my vision the Goddess came to me and touched her finger to my forehead revealing a Blue Moon. An ancient symbol that was used for the Priestesses of many “mythological” places of Celtic Europe including Avalon. She then told me that from this day forward I was her daughter, and a Priestess of the goddess. I was to adopt the last name Evenstar as a symbol of my ascension. (sidenote: For those of you who don’t know, Tolkein based Arwen Evenstar off of a real myth of the “Evening Star” which is actually from what I have read the Goddess Astarte’s name roughly translates to. She was the personified Goddess of the Evening Star, lighting the night’s darkness and bringing hope for those who had none, this would be my life’s purpose). I emerged from the forest Faewynn Lunaise Evenstar. Priestess of the Goddess. From that moment on, my life has never been the same.
Even though I had become a Priestess of the Goddess, Witchcraft still was still a very valid choice for me. I enjoyed it’s practices and I realized that I could use it in conjunction with what I had learned as a Priestess to help people. After a few years of dabbling with the craft it has only recently become part of my life more actively. After going through a traumatic breakup with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, my natural reaction was to reopen the pages of Witchcraft and study. I had been part of an Active Witch coven for two or so years prior, but the break up really sparked my interest in it again. I needed a name for the part of me that was a Witch. Immediately the name “Willow Starknot” came to me. Willow is the tree that I am in the druid zodiac, and Starknot comes from the Pentacle, which has also been called the “Evening Star”. From that I discovered vastly new angles within the Witch community and started this Project here on tumblr and blogspot “Stories from a Witches Cabinet” to share my experience of Witchcraft as I grew into adult-hood.
My journey to where I am today took me six years of toil and struggle. But also six years of incredible self discovery. I know have many charges that I teach, and have recently took two new initiates under my wing to teach and guide them in not only the Priestesshood, but also in Witchcraft. I have become a member of a wonderful community of sister witches here on tumblr.
All in all, in my own practice, all of these things that I’ve talked about above attribute to who I am in ritual and worship. Tonight this became very clear to me and I was very proud of myself. This was just one small moment in which I have find who I am and what makes me me that I wanted to share with you.
~Faewynn Lunaise Evenstar
